Them Bloody Twins
by Rinslet
Summary: Destiny of twins have always been of corruption, destruction and ill omen... that of the Cousland twins was all but spared. Story of the warden, his sibling, and the world that rejected them both since birth
1. Clare

A/N : My sis and I both played the Cousland origin and our characters had similar feature so I thought, hey, they could be twins! Thus the idea came to make this fic. A bit dark.

Names are Aedan (male) and Clare (female). Clare as in 'are' and not 'air'.

Aedan is the Grey Warden.

English isn't my first, or second language, so I apologize in advance

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We were born together, and we grew up together. It only made sense that he became everything to me.

Twins were a rarity in those days, and most of the times it meant a turn of events, bad luck, ill omen… Were it not for the Cousland blood that flowed in our veins, I have no shadow of a doubt that one of us would have ended up abandoned in a gutter. Though our parents steered the gossips with expert handling, it never stopped the odd gazes that we received.

No one ever said it out loud, but we learned soon enough that our existence brought a taint into Highever, and that as innocent as we may seem, we beared the demon's seal on our back and wielded his scythe.

Amidst hostile entourage, where could a pair of twins find solace in, if not within the walls of our own home, away from the world?

We used to take Father's maps, paint our rainbow world on them, and make lists of things that we would do when we grow up.

"_Everybody hates us… I'll __never be able to marry!"_

_"It's okay, if you don't marry, neither will I. I'll take care of you"_

_He grinned widely, revealing the huge gap between his_ _front teeth, his chubby cheeks rose-colored, and I knew that everything will_ _be okay._

Young, I was scared of going to sleep, for Fergus had me convinced that there were creatures in the Fade that trap naughty children in iron pen. I wasn't always the good little girl Mother taught me to be, so I was certain that every night, they were waiting eagerly for me.

On nights that I was too scared to even blink, Aedan would sneak into my room and hold my hand as we slept; in doing so, he promised to be able to find me in the Fade and protect me. Although I could never remember my dreams, waking up and seeing our fingers entwined was all I needed to believe that my brother had indeed been there with me.

The belief diminished over the years (and there was less sneaking around at night), but we got into the habit of greeting each other in the morning, as a running joke that we survived the Fade's creature another night.

"_Still alive today, dear sister? Looks like I did a fairly good job, no?"_

"_Oh? I'm pretty sure I didn't need your help this time. Are you sure you're not the one seeking my protection in the Fade?"_

_And as old as the jest may be, we always end up leaning on the wall, laughing uncontrollably until Fergus walks out of his room and urge us to hurry over to breakfast. _

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_

Many years pass and one day, a Grey Warden showed up, looking to recruit Ser Roland Gilmore into their rank. This man, Duncan, had also taken an interest in Aedan, and I knew from the _look_ on his face that being a Grey Warden was what he really wanted to be.

Chivalry and honor ran thicker in his blood than mine, and I knew that deep down, he was deeply disappointed for not being able to take part in the upcoming battle against the Darkspawn, having to content himself on watching over the castle.

Father assured him that his presence was needed here, and it was _certainly_ not because people thought he would bring bad luck onto the battlefield. Mother was quick to dismiss our doubts and made her words final.

All our years of training, of swallowing our pride and smile through gritted teeth, and all we get is to watch from the sideline? Surely you jest, Mother dearest.

But it didn't end there. _I_ was to follow her and Lady Lan_drunk_ on their trip. Why? Because there was this _fine man_, and we all know how the story goes…

This outing was to be the first time I would be separated from my twin, and that infuriated me.

Mother was quite forceful in telling me that this brother complex of mine was growing quite silly and it was time that I should start seeing other men.

But what were other men, compared to Aedan? By now, I had come to accept that no one would ever want _me_, and I was happy enough to spend the rest of my life in Highever with him (if he is willing, of course). For better or for worse, he had weaved an unbreakable bond with his innocent promise; I will remain with him for as long as I could.

_So c__an anyone blame me, for bearing a grudge against the world for taking him away soon after we watched our house go up in flames? _

I could barely hear Duncan telling us that we need to hurry to Ostagar for Aedan Cousland to join the Grey Wardens, so intent on keeping my gaze upon my twin's face and nothing would have shaken me up more than the sight of him breaking down in front of me. At that moment, he was my pillar of strength and I feared that if I were to see him waver, then I would also. But instead, he turned towards me and gently gathered me in his arms, and turned us away from what was left of our home.

_What would I do without you?_

I thought that as long as he was my sibling and by my side, everything would be alright.

But the Maker, in his ever contemplative and silent presence, remained deaf to my prayers.

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The man that came back from the Joining was _not_ my brother, though he goes by his name and face. He was rather quick to don the mantle of the Grey Warden and discarded ties and title.

He calls me Clare, the Last of the Cousland and promises that he will see to Howe's death as a final tribute to our parents, and as a parting gift. Though he is the only one left in Thedas to share my blood, I feel our bond thinning, corrupted by a burden that never should have been his to carry.

The time when there was no secrets between us seem like a distant dream and I fear that he is slowly slipping further away from me. It is as though the tide has pulled back for me to glimpse at the shells of our childhood, but not enough to collect them before they are gone with the next wave.

He lets me travel with him until vengeance rains upon Howe and until he deems a place safe enough to leave me there (though I argue that there is no safe place during a Blight).

We battle legions of Darkspawn together in perfect harmony, and seeing him in battle where his heart is bare, I am led to believe that he has not changed after all… But that illusion is quickly shattered when on the same nights I would watch helplessly as he twist, turn and trash around in his sleep. His was a dream I could not even hope to understand or follow, no matter how tightly I hold onto his hand, clinging foolishly on childish beliefs.

I cannot even explain the guilt I felt right then, knowing that I could not and _never_ will be able to aid him while he battles inner demons every night, until the day comes when they will swallow him whole. His gaze jerks in every direction under heavy eyelids, lips forming silent words, prayers perhaps, and I wonder if he was searching for me in his sleep.

.

I was told that Aedan woke up later on and found me curled next to him, our fingers still intertwined. He had carried me back to my bedroll and whispered that he loved me, or so I was told. Since then he has been careful as to not let such incident happen again...

Can anyone blame me, for being unable to accept that the Grey Warden's Joining has changed my brother forever? for in my blind devotion, I followed him as he carved a path that would leave death and destruction in his wake, more than what one man could endure in a lifetime before he goes insane?


	2. Aedan

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There was a time when I believed I could protect her; that my presence alone would suffice to calm her worries and ward off the dark cloud surrounding us.

In all our years living in Castle Cousland, there had been a number of cases that some were ready to blame us for; promising fields going dry, sudden illnesses, farm animals turning feral... I'm surprised they didn't try to blame the Blight on us as well.

We were used to the unwelcoming gazes and waved them off nonchalantly, but Clare always became quiet afterwards. In those times, I would usually go on beating the people who insulted us (while disguising myself, of course, no use in pouring oil into the fire) and come back to her, grinning from ear to ear with a bloody nose and announce that they would not so readily be around to disturb us for a while. She would swat my head reproachfully, but smile gratefully nonetheless.

I found comfort in these moments. It made me feel as though my life had meaning. Our parents and Fergus made sure to never reveal who was the older one between us as to not let the seeds of guilt have anything to quench themselves with. Thoughts along the lines of '_I never should have been born'_ or '_It should have been her/him_' were quelled quickly and they always made sure that we would both live our life to the fullest and have everything we ever needed. But the well ran deep, and even the Maker's light could not reach the bottom. No one would see us drown.

I often have the feeling of being the older one, but when she smiles, it feels like she is. In any case, finding out who came first won't change the fact that we can't choose how we're born, and it seemed good enough that we make it up to the other by standing together through everything that will come our way.

That had been when my thoughts were my own, and not subject to the Archdemon's beckoning that gnawed at every corner of my mind.

Since the Joining, I have felt the taint spread in my blood; a torrent of fire and ice that tore asunder everything in its way. It crawled and carved its dominance in my body, and I fear that it won't be long before it will consume me. It is a painful, degrading process and the day I bared my sword at her, confounded by the image of a ghoul that had been replacing her a second ago, I realized that I was no longer fit to protect her.

There was nothing that I could do for her anymore.

_Her gaze caught hold of mine, but I looked away before she could smile. I am not there to see her disappointment._

It is a terrible process that I would wish on no one, to have to turn away from the one who struggled with you through thick and thin and bled the same blood. It doesn't help either when she tries very hard to find the shadow of the brother she once had. She thinks that I will ultimately come back to her like I always have, but this was a path I will never let her follow.

We were born together, and we grew a part of our childhood together. It was time that we learned to live the rest of our days on our own.

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Numerous times, I felt myself weaken and struggled to keep the taint in check. Without my notice, it has affected my mood and I was taking it out on the world.

The people who scorned me, now begging for _my_ help. Why should I help them, when all have turned away from me since birth?

Morrigan's words stirred old hatred and seemed lucid to me, and it became easier to take control when nothing but the mission was clear to me. I bestowed favors that have me move heaven and earth and run all over Ferelden upon those I deemed strong enough to serve my cause and eradicated their oppositions with a merciless hand. I slew mages, elves, even the Paragon Caridin and comrades alike who stood against my orders to ensure the loyalty of the army I was building. The rest were not worth my time and their pleas never reached me.

Alistair had voiced his concerns once at the thought of the refugees, wondering if we could do something. Morrigan scorned him, saying that we should look out for ourselves and if they died, it would have been of their own weaknesses.

Clare had never questioned my decisions, but I caught her looking back quite often, her steps faltering.

_"We can't stop to save everyone, sister, we have a mission. Besides, you know that they would have done the same had our roles been reversed."_

_Her eyes hardened just a bit, "You speak of old names and grudges, brother. There's no need to carry them further."_

_"No, Clare, I speak of the world."_

I suddenly laughed at her naivete, at how she could keep it amidst all that we have witnessed. My transformation hurt her, but I have decided that if I could not be her protector, I might as well be her tormentor, so that her beliefs towards me would finally be severed and she be free from all this madness.

Numerous times, I pushed her in the care of someone better than me. Someone like Alistair who, despite the looming war, managed to keep himself whole. There was something innately good in him; something that had stayed untainted since the beginning of our journey that even the taint will never be able to take away from him. He was incorruptible and though his will was rather weak at the beginning, I feel as though he was the only one to whom I could confide my hopes, fears and dreams. He was who he said he was and there was no hidden motives, no roundabout ways. He was truly caring about us (and said that bad luck could always be transferred and we just have to wait for the next sucker to get it), and that attitude prompted him to upfront reproach me about my conduct towards my own sister.

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_"She loves you, and I can clearly see that you do too. Why are you putting up a barrier between you two? In dark times, I like to think that family would be the one thing that will support me..." he trailed off. _

_Meaningless words from a man whose sister turned out to be a money-grubbing shrew just good enough to bear five children. Alistair looked doubtful, like the one he was trying to convince was himself. But I did not go all the way to Denerim and pay that cow fifteen sovereigns to make him dwell on such things; his will had been bent and I have forged it anew to be like white steel. And for the compensation, I required nothing but his loyalty._

_"Alistair, if something untoward were to happen to me…" _

_He wrinkled his nose, not liking where this was going, "Define 'untoward'..."_

"_Take care of her for me, please," I finished and he followed my gaze. Clare had just finished peeling her first potato and stared reluctantly at the batch that had yet to be finished._

_The former Templar frowned, not sure if he was wiling to be caught between our dealings and if he wanted to be a part of it. But I knew that he would not refuse a brother's request, not when he could see how much it meant to me. _

"_Of course. But don't let anything happen to you though; I don't want to be around that little hellraiser for more than a day if I could," he said bluntly, with a trace of annoyance._

_Clare's numerous complaints about the senior Grey Warden ringed freshly in my mind and I had doubts about my plan, but knowing how Alistair was and the Maker's luck being on his side, I was willing to bet that something could come out of this. At least he won't leave her indifferent. _

_I had to change my approach._

_"She… she's the kind who teases the one she likes," I tried, "You don't see her acting this way around anyone else, right?" _

_"What? Uh... I didn't think..."_

_He looked incredulous, which prompted me to bring out heavier artillery "You would leave a maiden's heart hanging? You know that a man cannot push a woman to run after him, it is simply not the gentleman's way," and it is enough to get him flustered and steered in the right direction. "I suggest you take it slow with her. Not a direct approach, you know. She would deny it. Also, she likes... flowers." My words seemed to tug something, but there was one last drop of suspicion in his eyes and I finally played my last card "I see... I thought -no, I will go tell her. I didn't think you have come to dislike her this much..."_

_"No no nonononono, nothing of the sort. It's just uh… I never really saw her like that before. Had I known..." he glanced back and forth between us before excusing himself " I'll uh… I'm just going to go stand over there…" he left rather suddenly and I found myself retreating into the corner to watch him approach Clare and awkwardly offer his help to prepare supper, which she venomously refused. He didn't back down and took the pair of rabbits from her and sat down to start gutting them. His stubbornness didn't prove to be without merit when she sat down next to him to watch his hands work meticulously. _

_At the distance, I found myself smiling slightly and let the image burn itself in the depth of my mind._

So small were the comforts that I could offer in place of the brother I took away; the Cousland heritage, petty baubles, Alistair, Howe's death_... _

Little did I know that the next one, my very last, would cost me my life.

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_She looked as though my refusal shocked her, and fell back into her old defensive stances, keeping me near, yet out of reach. She formulated her proposition in another way, preying on old wounds._

_"Think about it, not only will your life be spared, but this child will be your advantage one day. What say you to sire the ultimate revanchist, with the soul of an old god? I swear that the ones that have forsaken you will learn to respect their better and you will live gloriously with the world at your feet. It is better than any position that foolish would-be king will ever give you."_

_I contemplated the beautiful woman in front of me, the possibility she was giving me and the world that we would live in separately with the threat of and Old God looming in my conscience, and realized that I could not do it. Morrigan saw the resolution in my eyes and took a different approach, willing to give me one last chance, even if I were to take it for someone else's sake, "Think about your sister. Would you leave her alone in this world with the same people who scorned and blamed you for being born? You thought that making her Alistair's lover would protect her, but there will always be whispers and many plots behind those pretty walls that not even the King can protect her from."_

_The idea that I may have not covered everything did cross my mind numerous times and it was what kept me awake at night, planning, thinking, scheming._

_How will she handle it? _

_Will she be alright? _

_Will Alistair keep her safe?_

_When he will march for the Deep Roads, who will be there to help her?_

_So many worries… and maybe it was the optimism that all the Cousland had or perhaps a trick of the Maker who finally decide to shove his nose in my life, but a vision shone through the hazy cloud in my mind that made me want give this world a chance;_

_Clare running across the hallway, a worried maid in tow, bursting into the king's study. Alistair (the armor I grew accustomed to see him in was replaced by fine clothing that made me itch just by looking at it,) looked up from the scrolls and scrutinized her from head to toe, wondering where the energy came from. She remained unfazed, lost in a joy that I had yet to understand. Alistair was apparently as confused as I was and before he could inquire the source of her giddiness, her hands went around her belly and there was radiance on her face that I had not seen in a while. Something coiled in the bottom of my soul, and I realized that it was hope…-_

_I blinked the vision away, looking back at Morrigan and my thoughts were no longer of despair. This ugly world that welcomed us has shaped us to be who we are today and knowing Clare, she will be alright without me. She was not alone. _

_I will not be the one to sire a being that could endanger the world in which she will bring her children into. _

_Morrigan backed down, knowing full well the look of a determined man when she saw it. _

_"You are loyal to _her_," she finally said, a little hurt.  
_

_She could not, and will probably never understand the bond that linked Clare and I; the pain that brought us closer and later separated us. It has always been there, echoing soundly in the footfalls of our past. Nothing in the world could ever make me turn away from my sister. _

_ I tried to reach out to touch her, but she did not allow me a moment longer and retreated to the door. __I did not even have the strength to spare a glance as she left._

_"Goodbye, foolish little Warden."_

_I don't expect her to ever forgive me. My only wish was that she will one day realize that while I pledged my loyalty to Clare, my heart belonged to her. It always had since I first laid eyes on her._

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On top of Fort Drakon, I took the responsibility of the Grey Warden upon myself and delivered the killing blow. I could hear the voice of the Archdemon in my head, daring me to falter and give in to its power. It was a long struggle, but it could very well have been only a few seconds and when the pillar of light set Denerim aglow, I knew that it was finally over. Every part of my body hurt and at the back of my mind, what little was left of me before death took me, I cursed the Maker, the Grey Wardens, the Darkspawn, Howe and everyone else that made me stray from the path Clare and I had elaborated together so many years ago. I was barely a man and all I ever wanted was to live happily with my family.

The last image of my twin in the peaceful world that I have given my life for brought me consolation, at the least, one that I would carry with me to the afterlife.

We were born together, and we grew up together. It only made sense that she became everything to me.

_I've always wanted to die before you, Clare, did you know that?_

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**A/N:** Ah, the drama.  
I thought that Morrigan wasn't forceful enough in trying to convince your character to get a Grey Warden to lay with her. She should have argued further to make the plot seem even more intriguing and that you have to struggle with the choice. Dunno, it would have made it much more mysterious as to why exactly she needs the child for. The fact that she would give up after you say no to her was kinda lame... maybe she should have gone to your love interest and your friends in order to let them persuade you, dunno. That scene could have been more elaborated in my opinion. Reviews and criticism are welcome.


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